The loneliness issue

 “Loneliness” is the sadness that a human being experiences when he or she doesn’t have friends or company. Socially, all human beings are hardwired to interact with other humans. Evolutionarily, our ancestors used groups or company as a means of survival. A lack of group meant that the individual had to survive alone and thus, was in more danger of getting killed. As a result, our ancestors had no choice but to stay in groups and survive.

What if I told you that loneliness is a universal experience and that all humans, regardless of their status, power, money, health, looks, or careers have gone through a bout of loneliness. If you are feeling lonely, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you apparently. It is not a mental health issue however, longer periods of it can lead to social isolation which can result into serious mental health related problems.

Even with all the technological advancements and social media, our biological needs are very basic and common. We cannot compensate the need of being around people by playing video games or engaging in drugs and alcohol. By doing this, we are trying to avoid the feelings that we should go through. This is called Escapism. Escapism is a form of seeking distraction in the wrong way. We should let the feelings of loneliness, anger, sadness and depression pass through our bodies and minds to feel better eventually. This is one of the ways of healing.

Sometimes, during weekends and on weekdays after work, I feel an emptiness inside my mind. It seems like while I have everything I need and want, there is some part me which always feels hollow. Questions like “Isn’t there more to life?”, “Isn’t life supposed to be more fulfilling?”, “Should I feel what I am feeling right now?” pass through my head as I walk back from the Metro station to my home in the evening.

When you are working or studying or doing something which needs to be done or seems interesting to you, your mind stays focused on that thing. Your mind remains uncluttered. However, as you tend to head to the comforts of your home, your mind starts to wander and overthink. Some people are better than others to manage and deal with their negative minds. Perhaps, after years of discipline, they have managed to control it.

So, why do we have so many negative thoughts in our mind in the first place? Scientifically, everyday our brain processes 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts out of which 80% tend to be negative. Our brain is a neural world of electric impulses which can handle complex information and perceive it precisely. It is due to this reason that humanity has scientifically made significant progress. No wonder with the excess information that we consciously or subconsciously feed inside has both negative and positive thoughts associated with it.

A famous man once said that when someone is sad and telling you their story, the best thing you can do is to listen to them. Most of us try to give our friend advise when he or she is sad and make it about ourselves. We tend to give examples from our life that how something worse once happened to us and how we got through it. In this way, we are trying to be ignorant of the issue our friend has been facing.

Even with all the social media, telephones, and other innumerable ways to reach out to our loved ones, we are surprisingly facing a time in human history where we are getting more distant from each other. Social media has invariably contributed to our anxiety and loneliness. We are now ever more concerned about our friends’ and family members social life. We get jealous of other people’s success stories and wonder if we ever will be able to get to our full potential.

So, how do we get outside this rabbit hole? How do we make ourselves more social and communicate with our loved ones? If you are feeling lost or empty, the first thing is to acknowledge that it is completely normal to feel that way. The other thing you can do is to reach out to an old friend or a family member. The idea is to have a small talk with someone and open up. If we want to heal, we need to be willing to heal.

We need to deliberately seek discomfort. We can go to a local meet up group with a bunch of unknown people or seek therapy. Trust me if you open up to them about your issues there will always be some people who will listen to you. Unsurprisingly, you will also find like minded individuals who are probably in the same boat as you are.

It takes courage to be vulnerable. Be courageous and let yourself heal!